The Bush Administration had some good news to report yesterday. Outgoing Interior Secretary Gale Norton proudly announced the first net increase in wetlands in the U.S. since 1954. Marsh depletion in America has been widespread, and Bush, under fire for allowing more development on marshland, announced two years ago that increasing wetland acreage was one of his goals. So how did he accomplish this startling feat?

In the Interior Department's periodic national surveys, a wetland is defined, more or less, as wet. Traditional tidal, coastal and upland marshes count, but so do golf course water hazards and other man-made ponds whose surface is less than 20 acres.

Golf course water hazards. Are wetlands. According to the Bush Administration. So, yes, the natural marshes, tidal pools and cypress swamps that are important parts of the ecosystem, barriers for storms and homes to migrating waterfowl are being filled in and paved over at an increased rate. But that’s okay. We’re making it more challenging for golfers to score a birdie.

Also included in the survey are decorative ponds in new condo developments and holes left by mining activity. Technically, these serve none of the ecological purpose of marshland, but “federal officials said that the report measures the quantity — not the quality — of wetlands.”

What a wonderfully simple solution to the problem of ecological decay. Change the definition! For example, if we allow ‘glaciers’ to include popsicles, ice cubes, and ice cream, then glaciers aren’t decreasing due to global warming, they’re being rejuvenated throughout the world every day. Of course, that completely fails to take into account the purpose glaciers serve to the... Hey, what’s that music? It’s the glacier man! Mommy, give me some money, I want a glacier!

Fewer Marshes + Manmade Ponds = Increased Wetlands (NYT)