Last month’s heat wave had most Los Angeleans crying, “Jesus, this is Valley weather!” (while those of us in the Valley cried, “Jesus, this is August weather!”) Heat waves are in high gear across the country, bringing out the aroma of piss in the streets of Manhattan and causing heat advisory warnings in Maine. It’s enough to make a confirmed Yankee daydream of a snow-capped cottage in the Alps.
But Europe is faring just as poorly, with power outages and heat-related deaths across the continent. British roadways melted, there was an ice cream shortage in Sweden, and German officials fretted that WWII munitions will surface as river levels drop. While secular France installed giant misters around the base of the Eiffel Tower, other countries were not so rigid as to deny God His due blame for all this.
In Poland, lawmakers held a Mass in the parliamentary chapel last week to pray for rain to break the baking heat.
Unfortunately, God, having recently come under the employ of a major oil conglomerate, issued a terse response suggesting that while all these increasing global temperatures were completely His idea and not something that humans could have caused in any way, He would probably go on melting ice caps and turning the rest of the world into a desert at a rate that only by complete coincidence parallels our output of CO2 into the atmosphere.