In case you haven’t heard, the North Pole is melting. In addition to water – a lot of water – the evolving landscape is now a prime spot for new shipping routes, plus a possible source of oil, gas and mineral reserves.

Guess what this means for world leaders. Global warming? An environmental crisis? Immanent danger? No! Oil, man! THERE’S FREAKING OIL DOWN THERE! Woooo! Grab your ice picks and a shop-vac – let’s git ‘r done!

In a move straight out of a James Bond movie, Russian explorers jumped into a submarine, submerged 14,000 feet and actually planted a flag underwater to stake their claim. Yes, the flagpole is rust-proof. The UN has rejected Russia’s territorial claims since 2001, but Russia is calling dibs just in case.

“This may sound grandiloquent, but for me this is like placing a flag on the moon,” said Sergei Balyasnikov, a spokesman for Russia’s Arctic and Antarctic Institute.

While countries like Canada and Denmark typically steer clear of international messes, they DO know a good game of Risk when they see one. Canada has responded with plans to build two military bases in the area, and Denmark is adding four purple cannons.

“This isn’t the 15th Century,” Canadian Foreign Prime Minister Peter MacKay scoffed. “You can’t go around the world and just plant flags and say, ‘We’re claiming this territory.’”

In a related story, Stephie was arrested yesterday after attempting to plant a flag on Shia Labeouf.

Russia Plants Flag Under North Pole (BBC)